Sunday, September 18, 2011

So, here's the deal...

Let's start off by introducing myself. My name is Jess, and I am a "big girl". I have been called chubby, fluffy, fat, huge, ugly, large, plus size, and I am sure more than that. The truth is, I am overweight. I have been overweight most of my life. I can actually remember the day things took a turn for the worse...

It was a normal day in 8th grade geography. I started my period about a month before, and my body was changing. I wore a pair of shorts and a tee shirt,but they were tigher than I remembered them being. Kids made comments about how tight my clothes were and I joked that they were shrunken in the dryer. This is when things changed.

I went from a size 5 to a size 13 that year. I got boobs and hips and these thighs I had never seen. The comments started,the boys were looking, and my friends started to change. I know middle school is a weird time for everyone, but that's where things really went south.

Because I believe in too much backstory at once, I will leave you there.

The point is I still feel like that size 5 12 year old,trapped in the body of much bigger person.

About a year ago, my husband and I got married. Shortly after the wedding, we joined weight watchers and a gym. We stuck with it until February 6th,when we were at the gym and I had 10 missed calls. My grandpa was in the hospital, and it wasn't good. We left the gym and bought plane tickets to Florida to be with him. He passed away that weekend. You would think this would motivate me to make a big change to get healthy, but inside, I was still that 12 year old girl, who just lost her grandpa. I shut down. I sat on the couch 10 hours a day and ate. We completely fell off the wagon, and never went back to the gym or to weight watchers.

Then our lives changed. I got a job in early March, working 40 hrs a week. I didn't have time to go to the gym, or to weight watchers. At least thats what I told myself.

Six months later, our lives are on track. We have developed a routine and I keep thinking that there are no more excuses. So I rejoined weight watchers. My first weigh in is tomorrow and truth be told, I am kinda nervous. but I know the first step is always the scariest.