Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Oh yeah... that wagon...

As you probably could have guessed by the lack of weight loss related posts, I have fallen off the wagon. Well to be really honest, I fell off a while ago. I have just been avoiding the subject.

I can blame it on a lot of things. I am sure I have lots of excuses. The fact is my weight problem has more to do with what's inside then anything else.

So I have decided to focus on the inside. Why I have a dysfunctional relationship with food. Why I eat when I am bored, or emotional. Why I let the way I look act as a shield and an excuse to not have to try that hard or be that successful. Or as the reason I don't have that many friends.

I know I didn't get to 285 lbs because I love the way food tastes. I got to 285 lbs for all the above reasons, and I am sure more.

I recently started a bible study. One of the challenges the leader gave us was to put aside what is holding us in bondage for the next 20 weeks, the length of our study, and try to free ourselves from it. After a lot of thought, I realized it is food and my weight that hold me down. I carry them with me always, and I think the reason I haven't been that successful at losing weight is because if I do, I don't have that excuse. I have to try hard and be successful. That is a lot of pressure.

But I am going to try to let it go, get back on the wagon, and fully understand why I have this problem and how to fix it.

The last day of our study is my birthday, September 10th. I also have this wild goal of being under 200 by my 25th birthday. I have roughly 60 lbs to lose by then. 60 lbs in 5 months. 153 days. 22 weeks. That is a little more than 2.5 lbs a week. I am going to have to work my ass off, but I am ready to do it.